if only

My love horoscope for the week:

Libra (Sept. 22-Oct. 22)
I have a friend who compiled a report called something like "Boyfriends of Many Lands." It chronicled all the boys she had lain with in the Biblical sense, even if they were from countries that don't read the Bible. This will be a good week for you to look abroad (or, at least, to the next town over) for love. The possibilities of an entirely new mall and the People's Republic of 30 Miles Away will intoxicate you. By Sunday, be ready to get wild. The locals may want to make you their ruler and official sex object.

Yeah, right. Way to mock my pain, nerve.com. It's been way too long since I was someone's sex object.

Also, The Alabama Slama is in town for some work training this week. So I ought to be good and cranky by Friday. That girl has the energy of 10 kindergartners fed on pixy sticks and Jolt cola. She got us tickets to see Big Death and Little Death tonight at the brand new Woolly Mammoth theatre. Their new space is fantastic, and if you like darkly twisted comedy this play is for you.