mixing it up at my family reunion

Tomorrow night I'm off to very sexy Hannibal MO  area for my very first extended family reunion.   My mom is rilly excited about it, my sister is dreading it, and my dad is hoping that the beer will be plentiful and cold.  Anner and I have been teasing our mom with minor threats about hopping a flight to Miami.  She laughs, but I think we've got her worried.  I've been lucky to live so far away - my only duty has been to reach out to a pretty cool relative in NYC to see if she was coming along.  The momster (she's not really a monster - she's very cute) and Anner have wildly differening views on what Anner has actually agreed to do for this event.  

I have offered to serve as bartender and tell outrageous lies to distant relatives I haven't yet met.  Oh, and some to ones I don't particularly like.  I've got some ideas:

1. I'm the inspiration for Samantha's character on Sex in the City
2. (F#@! it.) I'm the inspiration for all the primary characters on Sex in the City
3. What am I doing in DC these days?  Have you heard about this Washingtonienne...? 
4. Why haven't I married?  Didn't mom tell you about Belinda and me?
5. Yeah, I've been in the clandestine service for about 7 years now.  Whoa, these drinks are strong!
6. Did you know that it's legal to hook up with your second cousin, but not your first?  That's so totally bogus.

Yeah, these need some work.  Fortunately, the night is young and I have half a bottle of white rioja.  Crap - I do need to pack.