Look, I'm not doing this for you, but for my own dark and twisted reasons. Oh, and because everyone else is doing it.


November 16, 2004

evil genius bus drivers and my dark side

NYC was great. Not only am I still beat, but my feet are still bruised from extensive retail therapy. (Yay! for my new boots, my new shoes, my new moisturizer and for getting my sister's Christmas present situation fully resolved.)

But the best and worst part of the weekend was the $35 roundtrip Chinatown shuttle bus. The itinerary takes you from DC's Chinatown to NYC's Chinatown (yeah, shocker) in FOUR HOURS FLAT. That's right. I've never been able to do the drive in less than five. And it included a 1 minute stop in Baltimore and a 5 minute stop along the NJ Turnpike so the driver could pee. Pure, unadulterated and evil, genius.

The bus wasn't crowded and I had two seats all to myself on both trips.

Now, the bad part of the trip actually occurred on the return. The only free row was right at the bathroom - and the bath definitely needed some maintenance. There were holes in the door where the lock should have been, and you had to jimmy the clasp so it wouldn't swing open.

I knew there might be a problem right after the guy in front of me decided to utilize the facilities. After this old guy, who could NOT keep the door shut while he was in there [shudder], tore it apart [more shuddering], I knew someone would have to take action. There was an odor issue. So, I took a couple plastic grocery bags and stuffed them into the holes, and began a campaign to persuade all other passengers to "hold it". Welcome to my dark side.

"You don't want to go in there. Trust me." I'd open my eyes really wide and look a bit squeamish. "It's not pretty in there - I think there might be a problem with it." I was able to deter three people from giving in to their baser needs. Its all about speaking with confidence, and being able to look really grossed out. I might have a future career in community theater... Or maybe the White House.

And I don't feel at all bad about it. Not a bit. If I could hold it for four hours, so could everyone else.

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