He's Just Not That Into You
It's funny. My mom and I had a conversation about this particular Sex and the City episode several months ago. In this episode, a male friend explains to Miranda that the reason the guy didn't call after the great date is because he's just not that into her. Miranda is grateful for this seemingly obvious piece of information. Momsta felt that it really would have been useful for someone to tell her this back when she was 19.
OK - for the guys out there - this article offers a pretty good window into a women's minds. We tend to over-analyze, over rationalize... We perform elaborate post-mortems on our dates with our closest girlfriends, which often end up being "ego-soothing" and futile exercises.
I've been a little better about this issue in the past year. In fact, I tend to surprise friends, who, when asking about the results of a date with responses such as, "well, it was fun, but I definitely get the feeling he's got something else going on." Fortunately, if you date with any frequency, it really doesn't sting that much.
Now, wouldn't it be nice if men and women could be straight with each other? I've also been guilty about weasling out of relationships by not returning calls, or being evasive about not wanting to accept subsequent dates. This past winter I went out with one guy 3 or 4 times - he was really nice but I didn't feel the chemistry - but could not muster enough courage to tell him that. Instead I told him that I was still seeing other guys and would continue to. His response to this was sad: "But I'm not seeing anybody else." In another situation, I lucked out when the guy emailed that he just didn't see a future after a few weeks of dating. That guy - as irritating as he was - totally gets props for being honest. (But, would I have appreciated it so much had I not already been in complete agreement?)
Maybe what we need is a sort of safe-word to substitute for "I'm just not that into you." Something clearer than, "I just think of you as a friend." Maybe a happy-sounding word, like "trampoline" or maybe something French, like "merde." I mean, profanity is funny and might help defuse a touchy situation. I don't know. Suggestions?
OK - for the guys out there - this article offers a pretty good window into a women's minds. We tend to over-analyze, over rationalize... We perform elaborate post-mortems on our dates with our closest girlfriends, which often end up being "ego-soothing" and futile exercises.
I've been a little better about this issue in the past year. In fact, I tend to surprise friends, who, when asking about the results of a date with responses such as, "well, it was fun, but I definitely get the feeling he's got something else going on." Fortunately, if you date with any frequency, it really doesn't sting that much.
Now, wouldn't it be nice if men and women could be straight with each other? I've also been guilty about weasling out of relationships by not returning calls, or being evasive about not wanting to accept subsequent dates. This past winter I went out with one guy 3 or 4 times - he was really nice but I didn't feel the chemistry - but could not muster enough courage to tell him that. Instead I told him that I was still seeing other guys and would continue to. His response to this was sad: "But I'm not seeing anybody else." In another situation, I lucked out when the guy emailed that he just didn't see a future after a few weeks of dating. That guy - as irritating as he was - totally gets props for being honest. (But, would I have appreciated it so much had I not already been in complete agreement?)
Maybe what we need is a sort of safe-word to substitute for "I'm just not that into you." Something clearer than, "I just think of you as a friend." Maybe a happy-sounding word, like "trampoline" or maybe something French, like "merde." I mean, profanity is funny and might help defuse a touchy situation. I don't know. Suggestions?
posted by Whisky-Freaking-Pants at 7:22 PM
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