tired of downer horoscopes (alternate title: i'm the new mrs. potatohead)

The smartasses at nerve.com apparently hate Librans (which doesn't make any sense since Librans are the mothers of all cheap dates), so I've decided to go with Scorpio's horoscope this week:

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)Like a Sufjan Stevens song title, you're verbose, if not exactly coherent. This week, you'll choose to be oblique for a variety of reasons: it's stylish, it's safe, you get to wear your sunglasses indoors, and you need not offer a direct reply when asked whether you'd like a glass of juice. Instead of fighting this, embrace it and follow it to its logical conclusion. Don't just be fashionably oblique; tape potatoes to your head and have sex on windowsills. This will help quash people's annoyance with your vagueness and your new reputation for being insane.