this is so not true

As all of you know, my (newly pirated) catchphrase is "lick my mork." Also, I only do filthy things in clean places. (To the best of my recollection...)

Libra (Sept. 22-Oct. 22) You'll be particularly vocal this week, much to the chagrin of your neighbors. While screaming, "Tickle that nut!" at the top of your lungs in bed may make your partner come, it only aggravates those who can hear you through your cheap plaster walls. Turn lemons into lemonade. Find a rent-by-the-hour flop house to get away and exorcise your lust in a whole new environment. Your resourcefulness will make this mountain a molehill.