Look, I'm not doing this for you, but for my own dark and twisted reasons. Oh, and because everyone else is doing it.


May 09, 2006

gee, officer, if i had known you were coming i would have neatened up

My day began with a BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

I was rudely awakened by the po-lice around 7 am this morning. They had a warrant to search my apartment for a 'sheila thunderbird'. Incidentally, that is NOT my real name.

Me peeking through the window: "yes?"
Officer: "Ma'am, please open the door?"
I comply, but don't open the security gate.
Me: "What is the problem?"
Officer: "We have a warrant to search the premises for a "sheila thunderbird."
Me, rubbing my head sleepily and with incredulity: "what?"
Officer: "Please open your security gate. We have a search warrant. What is your name?"
Me, getting rather irritated at this point: "Whisky Pants." (Actually, I gave them the real name.) "You have a warrant? What for?"
Officer: "Can I see some id?"
Me: "Um, sure." The I fumble around my workbag for what seems to be hours since I can't see a damned thing without my glasses. "Here is my work badge."
The officer accepts the id, but still insists on coming in to search the tiny room I inhabit.

Seriously, if I was going to have someone over, it wouldn't be some felon named 'sheila thunderbird'. Which, according to everybody, cannot be a real name. As far as an alias goes, it is pretty awesome. In any case, she barges through my apartment and finally accepts the fact that nobody is hiding in my crawlspace of a bathroom.

Now, shouldn't they have shown me the actual warrant?

The landlord, who inhabits the house upstairs, says this is the second time that they have executed a warrant for this person at our address. She has owned the house for nearly 10 years, and I've been here for five and a half years. The fact that the police can't keep their databases up to date is disturbing. And profoundly irritating for a light sleeper like myself.

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