dire straits

And I'm not talking about the supergroup from the 80's. I'm talking about the past 11 days I've spent in suburbia. While hanging out with the family is sweet for a while, I've had my fill. Rather, I've had my fill of babysitting. It's exhausting. And I haven't gotten any of my training done for New Years Eve.

The combination of living la vida vanilla and lack of training is of concern. I'm in such need of debauchery that I fear for myself. I really needed to ramp up slowly to New Years. Perhaps I will have to go visit the gentleman who so kindly snogged with me in my car right before I left.

TAS - You're in charge of making sure we bring gatorade and aspirin.

TMS - I have no idea what you're in charge of. Maybe of making sure I drink plenty of water on Friday night.

Wee Lass - You're in charge of snarking. I have great expectations.

We still need a handle for the friend who will be staying at the B&B with us...

Well, I've gotta get back to watching Elf with my nephew. Everytime I come back from doing laundry or whatever, I find him stagediving off the couch. The dog will no longer leave my side for fear that he will be used as a landing pad. I hope Sister of Whiskypants doesn't mind that I've fed The Nephew on pretzels and brownies today, but I intend to leave my mark as the best. aunt. ever.

news flash

Hanging out with a nearly-five-year-old is only slightly easier than hanging out with a nearly-four-year-old.

Getting this boy to do anything beyond playing with his thousands of army guys is a bit of a challenge. We're going to give the movies a shot today, but not the one that I really want to see. Sister of Whiskypants seems to think that the Lemony Snicket movie might be too scary for her precious babe. My position is that The Nephew sees way scarier stuff on his video games and football games. Since it's a bad idea to upset pregnant women, we're gonna go see The Polar Express, which looks way creepier if you ask me. And not in a good way. But the concept of Santa Claus has kept The Nephew in line this year...

Well, I'd better go save the dog now. It sounds like The Nephew is having some sort of smackdown up there.

midgets and cockfighting

Okay. You know how I said that I was going to take a break from dating till after Christmas? Well, I lied.

So, had a first date with a fellow from the neighborhood, and it was quite promising. Especially the part where I drove him the 4 blocks to his house since it was godawful cold and then he kissed me for the next hour or so. He enjoyed the kissing so that he actually offered to pick me up from the airport when I return. While I don't doubt my skills in the kissing department (indeed, I have been made to understand they are formidable), I'm pretty sure that the four cocktails he had were speaking for him.

In any case, he was bright, attractive and funny, tall, not a women's footwear fetishist, not brooding, not angst-ridden and not moody. He likes midgets (who doesn't?) and roosters. Well, he thinks it's funny to call roosters "cocks" since it's, like, the only time you can say that word in polite company. Good stuff.

I haven't packed and still need to clean the apartment. Tomorrow is really going to suck.

I'll try to post every so often, but it might be sporadic... Happy holidays!!!

housekeeping

It was a rough day. A car alarm went off at 5:15 a.m. and launched me right out of bed. Most of my gentle readers (all three of you) know that I do not get up without a fight even on a good day. There's lots to be done before I take off for St. Louis on Saturday and I'd like to ignore my Smackberry between Christmas and New Years. (Yeah. Fat chance. I have a love/hate relationship with that thing.)

So, I'm home trying out this lemon poundcake recipe (Note to self: read recipe through next time - finding out you need a hand mixer halfway through the blending of ingredients is not a good thing. Damn my arm is tired.) and decided to do a little cleanup. I've added a couple blogs: She's Actual Size comes from our new friend, Wee Lass, and sister of Multicultural Spitfire; Defective Yeti - which I found on Watermelon Memories; Veiled Conceit - some snappy NY Times wedding announcement satire; and I've updated the link for Smitten.

The Bunny's New Years Extravaganza is coming up, and DC will be sending a delegation of approximately seven. I'm still behind on the attire situation. Bunny is concerned that my DC colleagues might not be able to hang with the prevailing/somewhat base sense of humor shared by the Boston/Naptown krewe. I assured him that a change of venue and culture will be welcome by us all. One of our members comes from Pittsburgh, which looks pretty scrappy on tv; and my dad raised me on Monty Python and Dumb and Dumber. If you're a member of the delegation, please feel free to post a comment supporting the fact that we are very cool chicks that can have fun anywhere, and not a bunch of snotty power-sucking fem-bots.

Motley Crue is playing in DC on March 6. Who's going with me?

attitude adjustment hour

Sometimes this city just sucks the fun right out of you. There are too many super serious wonks with outrageously inflated opinions regarding their own value running amok for our own good. Not to mention the fact that some (being diplomatic here) governmental agencies are a tad screwed up... Generally, the only cure is to escape the area for a week or so every 90 days. The pace of work and life hasn't really permitted that recently so I'm getting a tad punchy.

I attempted to alleviate a bit of the pressure tonight with a little Hora de Happy at The Flying Scotsman. I was joined by The Multicultural Spitfire, her sister, The Wee Lass (we're trying this alias on for size) and The Bunny. Since TMS and TWL are both single and will be attending Bunny's espectaculo of a New Years Party, I thought the opportunity to hang out and drink Belhavens might be a nice break.

Alas, I am still bunjed. Oh well. 64 more hours till I board a plane for the vanilla hell of St. Louis. My reading list is already set: The Virgin Suicides, Life of Pi, and David Sedaris's latest. And I might sneak my nephew into the Lemony Snicket movie - it can't traumatize the little guy that much, can it?

Oh, and for those who might be curious... I ended things with Nunzio over the weekend. Just wasn't that into him.

all she needs is 28 oz of vanilla pudding

Wednesday nights might not be the best hunting nights in DC. At least, it wasn't from where The Bunny and I were sitting.

Bunny is a master of body language and an accomplished wingman. In addition to forming a cooking school or opening a restaurant, I think he could give the NYC wingwoman organization a serious run for their money. I thought the wingwoman thing would be all about charm and he set me straight. The key to being a good wingman/woman is being a Jedi Knight. Much to learn, I have.

Lacking any decent test subjects, Bunny and I delved directly into drinking (Belhaven for him, and Glenmorangie for me - yum) and listening to excessively awful jukebox tunes; the bartenders were having a contest of sorts. I think Bunny had a little o when they played that song about how the lapdance is always better when the stripper is crying. I was peeved at the paltry Motley Crue selection.

So, we got our chat on, I discovered the joy of Glenmorangie, and I talked the Bunny into letting me be The Muse of the Day. Good times.

What is the title about, you ask? Well, if you're coming with me to the Bunny's New Years party, and decide you like him - that's probably all you're gonna need (to wear) to make his night. That and a top-shelf vocabulary.

the wingwoman pilot program

The New York Times carried an article back in October on the latest dating idea: wingwomen. There's an actual service in NYC where men pay women ($50/hour) to serve as their "wingmen". The service argues that wingwomen have greater success than wingmen nowadays as "some women have learned to recognize the "pack" mentality and have developed reactive strategies to counteract the wingman's pickup mission". I took the following four bullets from the website:

• Domino Affect Women are attracted to men who have women around them more so then men who have other men around them.
  
• Limited Resources Women want what they can't have.
  
• Let The Games Begin Women are very jealous and love to compete with one another.
  
• Icebreakers Women tend to lower their defenses around men who have other women around them. Most women tend to see these men as having a seal of approval and being less hostile.

Okay - it's sexist (especially the limited resources and games bullets - just galling), but perhaps there's a kernal of truth. And not just for women, but for men.

So, I'm giving this concept a trial run tomorrow. The Bunny is coming out for a pint of Belhaven and we're gonna see if this idea has legs. Except, we are NOT charging each other for this service. (Unless I'm really good at it and then I'll be starting up something similar for the DC area...) Oh, and we're also gonna see if it works for me.