getting older = getting over it quickly/easily

As I near the big Three Six, I find that I get over things much more quickly. Thank god! Getting old should come with a few perks.

Without going into too much detail, I have been trying to help a friend get through a difficult situation with a former love interest. Said love interest flaked out on her in a colossal way, which she (logically) found hurtful. My advice was to move on and forget about the jerk, and I don't think she found my words very comforting. Either I've gone numb or have lost all tact. Or both.

However, losing one's tact thing is rather freeing. Take this recent response to a potential online beau (somewhat redacted) who is feeling flummoxed by my reluctance to meet without never having exchanged non-dating site messages or a phone call (I also recalled some wisdom from The Green Canary - who dreams of a dating site where only the negatives are shared):

"I have been doing the online dating thing off and on for a couple years. I've made a great friend (who I set up with a good friend - they got married earlier this month), dated a few really great guys, went on several so-so first dates, and have encountered a handful of weirdos. One of them on eHarmony, as a matter of fact; a complete misogynist. So, I appreciate your patience as we carefully navigate the murky waters of online dating. I'm not completely jaded - just cautious.

I make fun of eHarmony, but have to generally commend it for the type of men it draws. They tend to be nice guys - not the typical wife-beater-wearing NASCAR fans/never read a book/only interested in hook-up types you find on match. I haven't once seen a photo of a hairy guy in a tank top on eHarm. This mere fact weighs heavily in eHarm's favor.

However, the service also seems so completely earnest, so sincere, and I am a slightly flippant person. It is really hard to convey a sense of humor using this service. Then again, it can be hard to discern dry humor online...

I like that you say you don't like cooking. I don't like it either. Particularly just for myself. Dinner tonight consisted of a turkey sandwich, celery and hummus. Dessert was a handful of peanut M&M's. Telling people what you don't like can also be interesting and a way to determine shared interests/compatibility...

My potential faults/potential negatives/fun and useful facts: I think watching sports on tv every weekend is a huge waste of time - I don't need or want to be a football/baseball widow. The World Series is an exception if the Cardinals are playing. My idea of camping includes a cabin that has ac/heat/running water/no bugs. While I don't mind hiking in the Fall, I don't get why all these people are so into hiking on these dating sites. I think REI is great place to shop for travel gear, but I'm no extreme sports fanatic. I'm not very athletic for that matter. Why on earth would people want to play softball when it is 95 degrees out? Especially when there are pitchers of sangria in air-conditioned bars begging for company.

I don't have cable because I would rather spend that money on shoes, theatre tickets, airfare to see my friends and family... At the same time, I am hooked on LOST, various telenovelas, and the original CSI. I'll tape it all but LOST - I'll stay home on Wednesdays to see it myself. My friends know not to call me on Wednesdays unless it is a matter of life or death.

I will confess to wanting to see Jackass 2. I also want to see Marie Antoinette. I like to think this means I'm complex.

On the positive side, my friends will tell you that I am a sympathetic and fun friend.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of things that make me either interesting or irritating. Sometimes both."

The right guy is going to read that and think, "well, its not all that bad".

single through no fault of my own

I've reached the age where dates and potential beaux ask why I haven't been married before, as if it is a sign that I am somehow a poor bet. This question confounds me, and I generally find myself stammering/searching for a response.

The question is usually posed by a divorced man; a man who has (irrationally, IMO) determined that by having been married, one is more likely to be married. Well, having actually written that down, perhaps there is some truth to it. Perhaps those who desire marriage over having a healthy and mutually satisfactory union are likely to marry, and often. Maybe I take marriage a little more seriously. Maybe I would rather be single than suffer the awful loneliness of an ill-suited partnership. Maybe I wasn't ready before.

However, I am not unrealistic about the nature of relationships and how difficult they can be. My parents have been happily married for 39 years - but their union is not perfect. They have taught me the arts of compromise and letting the small stuff go. If anything, I think my reluctance to enter lightly into marriage should be lauded. Dammit, I'm not a commitment-phobe. I am a really good bet.

So, remember that the next time you hesitate before asking out the spinster-next-door. Lack of marriage does not equal undateable/unmarriageable.

(This post was inspired by The Green Canary and No Sex and the City.)

i am surely going to hell

http://www.tard-blog.com/archives/entries/ndpn/12_tard_nearly_ruins_date.phtml

When we were little, my sister used to do these funny and terrible imitations of a fictional mentally disabled person working the drive-thru lane at a McDonalds, and I would laugh and laugh and laugh. For years we were sure that God's wrath would rain down in the form of her own little "special" brood. (God has already punished me with persistent spinsterism.) Yet, the Supremes seem to be normal. Maybe a little attention-deficitish, but beautiful, bright and normal.

I think her punishment has been the fact that she's had maybe 14 nights of decent sleep since she became a mother.

I still feel guilty about laughing, but damn that girl is funny.

ancient cocktail recipes from pbs

Cable tv is entirely overrated. Did you know that the ancient Greeks enjoyed a cocktail made from honey mead, beer and retsina? Apparently it is quite good and now I am very keen to try it.

Thank goodness for PBS (and the show about Helen of Troy); otherwise I'd be rendering myself retarded by watching Desire and Fashion House.

adult onset attention deficit disorder, or, why commercials are so great

Although September hasn't been as much a drudge as August, I still lack the inspiration to create posts worth reading. All I can do is update you on my humdrum existence.

Thursday date guy (flower guy) flaked out with a valid, yet unverifiable, excuse. It worked out well since I was beat. Friday date guy was great. Fun, funny, and not unattractive. However, I had to explain a couple SAT words and he didn't recognize the name of a MAJOR cabinet member. These are things I can deal with. The best part of the date was that I saw Ana Marie Cox! The original and nonpareil Wonkette. She visited Harry's bar late on Friday night with her very cute/conservative husband. She's very cute, looks great in jeans, and has nice skin. I wrestled momentarily with approaching her to tell her how much I missed her presence (and the superfluous mentions of assfuckery) on Wonkette. Instead, my inner cheerleader beat the hell out of my inner dork and I left her and her husband alone with their adult libations.

There are some good things left in this world. Like commercials. Remember the romantic Brawny paper towel guy? Well check out the Cleaning Hunks. (The Brooklyn Freckler and I prefer Jason, in the cowboy outfit!) Hey, you know that guy that keeps advertising on craigslist to clean womens' apartments in the nude? Well, he's gotta be a bit of a disappointment after the Cleaning Hunks.

piss off my friend at your own dental risk

The Slama and her beau are taking a "break". Well, actually, the beau decided to "suggest" taking a "break" for a week and then meeting up to see where things stand. The Slama has retaliated by using his toothbrush to clean her catbox. It was a short-lived retaliation; she threw it out after using it to scrub off the bits of kitty poop/litter and then felt very guilty. I thought it would have been much funnier to hold onto it, but if they had gotten back together I suppose that might have put the kibosh on the canoodling.

Especially if he found out.

In any case, I hate it for her. This "break" stuff is such bullshit - 9 times out of 10 the guy is too chickenshit to just go ahead and break it off. The beau is european, so maybe he's the 1 of 10 exception to that rule. I sure hope so. If not, that's a real waste of awesome poopy toothbrush revenge.

Dating is exhausting. The third date tomorrow ought to be okay. The guy is quirky but cool. I'm taking it pretty slow as I'm still not sure about his flake quotient. And the first date for Friday is on as well. He's a recent transplant and I think this might be a definite advantage; he hasn't been completely infected by the usual DC Dating Malaise yet...

meh

"Hey - just wanted to let you know I made it home in one piece."
"Did you have a good time?"
"Meh. He did pay for dinner, which was nice!"
"What was he like?"
"Kind of dull. More portly than I expected."
She makes a disapproving noise.
"Yeah, I know. I like big guys, but this guy was bigger than I like." So, in addition to having gained weight since posting his last online dating photo, he had also lost hair. And looked old. To be fair, I don't think he thought I was any great prize either. It is so much easier when both parties know there isn't any chemistry from the very first minute...

But he paid for dinner. Why can't the guys I like (and who like me) insist on paying for dinner? This halfsies thing is a bunch of crap.

My limited experience with eHarm has shown that 66.66% of the eligible men are boring and oldish. 33.33% of them are interesting, but live too far away or aren't into me. It predominantly caters to and attracts the suburban dweller - the kind who find comfort in suburban living and don't mind the absurd commute. Dullsville.

I caved and went on a second date with the bouquet date guy over the weekend, and we had a good time. We may go out again on Thursday. I'm just not sure about him...

On Friday, I may have a first date with a Chemistry.com guy. It'll be my first with that particular site. The guy is a fellow midwesterner, but he also lives way out in the 'burbs (he didn't know any better being a recent transplant). Midwesterners are pretty good at using alcohol as a social lubricant, so I have some hopes about a positive outcome. Also, this one appears to post recent photos. He embraces the beer belly, and so do I. Let's hope he likes to pick up the tab too.

insomnia

It was one of those perfect evenings. My (then) boyfriend and I drove all the way out to Manassas to meet one of my oldest college friends, her husband, and her aunt's family for dinner. E's aunt wasn't all that much older than E, and had three adorable kids. We had a delightful dinner all together, the daughter made me little yarn bracelets and the youngest boy - newly potty-trained - vowed to "go" just for me! E was all astonishment, "He hasn't even told me that!"

I can't recall what we ate for dinner or the conversations we had. Just that it was very pleasant and the kids were so funny. It was September 10, 2001.

I had always been a light sleeper (the bane of my college room-mate's existence), but I think that was the last night I ever really slept well. I'm writing this entirely without irony, mind you, but the manufacturers of sleep-aids probably owe much of their earnings to the events of 9/11.

Lunesta has been my savior for the past year, which is not a good thing to admit. I have been trying different aids over the past week (Rozerem) to no avail. If I gave it more time, I wonder if it would work, but can't tolerate the idea of another semi-sleepless night. I wonder when I might be able to sleep again without a little blue pill...

lie of omission

I think I have a first date set for this weekend. However, it turns out that someone I know happens to know the guy, and they expressed very little excitement about him. Also, it seems that he has gained significant weight since he last posted a photo online. I'm all about a man with meat on his bones, but I don't like those who aren't upfront; who dissemble.

Obviously, the lack of a recent photo isn't as severe a lie/omission as being married. Did I ever tell you all about the married guy? His profile is still online and he continues to maintain that he is single, as opposed to separated or divorced (email me if you want to know his profile name). He was still married as of two years ago November, but waited a few months after we had ended things to tell me. I must have known this guy was a creep; as soon as I got his break-up email message I let out a HomerSimpsonesque "whoo-hoo!".

The bouquet-of-flowers-date-guy called on Monday to ask where I had been. I suspect that he called me by accident and then tried to cover by saying, "You got back last week? You should have called me!" Uh. Yeeeeaaaahhhhhh...... Funny thing about that was the fact that I had emailed him while on vacation to ask how he was doing and he had no recollection of my message. Flowers are nice, but flakes are not. And guys who think I'm stupid enough to believe that sort of crap don't get a second chance.

It hasn't been an altogether bad day though. DCist had a very funny piece about a cat. Also, Gawker sent me to this little bit of hilarity.

romantically frustrated yenta = perfect irony

There are now two couples out there who credit me for their marriages. I hear that pairing up a third will get me into heaven. That's real nice and all, but I'd rather have a great boyfriend. You know, one that actually cares about my orgasm. I keep asking when the matchmaking karma is going to return the favor. The Bunny opined (at his wedding reception on Saturday) that the return karma should be something along the lines of a crazy-rich handsome man, whose yacht pulls up to the beach I'm on, who sees me and instantly knows that he can't go on living without such beauty and cleverness.

Well, I can tell you that he probably isn't one of the 62 matches that eHarm has sent to me. Damn. Those people don't suck you in with the quality of their matches - they're all about drowning you in (often iffy) possibilities. He most likely isn't to be found on chemistry or nerve/salon/onion either. At least I'm staying busy.