the power of salacious thinking

I don't like Nerve's Libra horoscope this week, so I've decided to be Aquarius:

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Put on your tie and short-sleeved dress shirt, Aquarius; this week, you're feeling like a shiny-toothed advertisement for Positivity, like an unflappably enthusiastic Mormon of Right Thinking. Now that you've shown how far you can get by being chipper and upbeat, sully yourself.

"Sully yourself." How great is that?!?

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My mom lets my nephew/her grandson cut her hair. Just a little snip here or there. It's kind of a secret - they haven't told my sister and her husband, and my dad doesn't like to encourage the little guy. When my nephew gets the urge to beautify, he tells his nana, "to go upstairs for some secret spy stuff."

My mom thinks it's hilarious. She also suspects that her hair stylist might be concerned that she isn't doing a very good job on her hair. I asked her if she's told her stylist about the nephew's aesthetic leanings. "No. And I don't think I will." And it's not because she's concerned how people might view a five-year-old boy who likes to cut hair. It's because she also thinks its funny to keep the stylist in the dark about the state of her haircuts. Kind of twisted. I just love it.

tales from the rockstar dojo

Naptown is a delightfully boisterous place. Inclement weather and all. (I braved a bit of ice getting out there and back, which can be rather risky in my little car.) I had a couple drinks, met a Spaniard, a Bosnian, a Croatian, and many other kind characters. I was invited to a birthday party, got felt up (but not kissed - boo!), and managed to avoid falling on my ass.

I love the villagey feel of the place. If only we could transplant a section of Naptown to my neighborhood. The other option is to pack an overnight bag and my little twin-sized air mattress and turn The Bunny's lair into a proper B&B. Rockstars do stay in B&B's, right?

rockstar-in-training, expert yenta

The Bunny has kindly offered to sponsor me in my pursuit of rockstardom. My training began last night with TMS serving as wingchick. While we weren't necessarily successful (it's rather difficult to find eligible straight men to talk to at ABBA tribute shows, fyi), I think it was a very good start. I'm headed out to Naptown this evening (weather permitting) to attend The Bunny's Rockstar Dojo.

It appears, however, that I am an excellent matchmaker! TMS and The Bunny appear to enjoy each other's company a great deal. I think it helps to have a go-between to say stuff like, "OMG, he thinks you're 'smokin' hot'," and "She was completely amused by your display of jackassery. She also thinks it's sweet that you were an altar boy. You're so totally golden." They better name their first child after me.

This afternoon will be spent in more cultured surroundings (compared to the ABBA tribute show). TMS and I are attending a birthday tea in honor of Yet To Be Named, The tea will be at The Four Seasons, and I understand that they have one of the top ten teas in the country.

euphemisms

(Completely Un)Confidential to The Brooklyn Freckler/Salicious:

When I was saying that helping your date to "walk Mr. Sherman" was a possible euphemism, I wasn't saying it was a ploy to get you over to his place, but that perhaps this chap has something more salacious in mind. At least, if you're (well, if he's) lucky...

Looking forward to the post-mortem!

f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!

Have you ever made a decision - one that had to be made - and it just pissed you off to no end?

This decision is for my own (effing) good, mind you. And, it should help me save a few dollars.

And I'm sure I'll be craving celery instead of cookies after a few days. So, if you see a really cranky woman out this weekend, buy her a wee dram. Scotch is on the diet.

In happier news, The Bunny has finally posted. He may (may? what am I saying?) have dishonorable intentions towards TMS. What the Bunnycane doesn't know is that TMS is adept at interpreting and dismantling such intentions. (Whereas I'm a big fan of all things dishonorable.)

full of shite

Damn you, nerve horoscopes! Damn your lies!

Libra (Sept. 22-Oct. 22) Your week is going to be a cross between a beer ad and a Spic-n-Span commercial. Spend the first few days doing some much-needed mental, professional and personal housekeeping, then manicure those nether regions. The Sun's move into Aquarius on Wednesday will shift your focus away from cleanliness, godliness and your therapist's office and toward all things sex and, um, beer. Of course, if you're into some other substance, feel free to uncork or unscrew that substance instead, in preparation for a hefty dose of drunk, dirty monkey sex all over your newly clean abode.

I don't even think I remember what dirty monkey sex is.

i'm all about the healthy

The Washington Post published an article today that says women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol every day are more likely to keep their memory and other thinking powers as they age.

"Low levels of alcohol appear to have cognitive benefits," said Francine Grodstein of Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston, senior author on the study, published in today's New England Journal of Medicine. "Women who consistently were drinking about one-half to one drink per day had both less cognitive impairment as well as less decline in their cognitive function compared to women who didn't drink at all," Grodstein said...

The findings suggest that moderate drinking should join the growing list of steps that people can take to try to stave off mental decline, such as getting regular physical exercise and routinely engaging in mentally stimulating activities, Albert said.

An insider note: If you're clog dancing/falling down/knocking heavy chairs over when you're drinking, you need to consider drying out. Or a quieter form of self-medication.

belgian drinks

A while back, a trip to my neighborhood's new Belgian restaurant introduced me to lambic. I don't care if any of you consider this delectable adult beverage to be a sissy drink. I likes it. A lot.

What is a lambic, you ask? Well, it's like a fruit beer. But not in the raspberry wheat sense of a fruit beer. If done well, they're not too sweet and fruity. Ah, hell. I even like the sweet and fruity ones. But the cassis and framboise ones are the best.

The Bunny cooked for The Multicultural Spitfire and me over the weekend. We had bleu cheese steaks, olive bread, some of the best sauteed mushrooms ever, and green beans. After drinking what seems like 30 bottles of wine, we then closed down one of his neighborhood local pubs and I kissed a stranger. Bloody awesome weekend. I'm so moving to Annapolis.

overheard in new york

This site kills me. Go there. I love it so much that I've blogrolled it so you've got no excuse.

so confused

Don't get me wrong, here. I only READ the rants and raves section on craigslist.org. I am NOT a contributor. You learn an awful lot about the darker side of the human race there. Occasionally, they even direct you to funny and interesting sites (I'm a fan of "Best Of"). Some contributors also like to post photos of their penises. Note to my male readers - most women do not find penis photos tantalizing. Especially if we don't already a.) know you intimately, b.) like you, and c.) lust after your bod. I'm just sayin'.

But this site is freaking. me. out. Seriously. I've submitted several of my blog postings and the result always guesses that I'm male. I suppose that there might be guys out there with guy problems and shoe/handbag fetishes... Thank god my readership (all four of you - we've had a slight increase in readership) can vouch for me.

twistedly sweet

I really love my friends. CamillaParkerBowles and I exchanged our Christmas tzotchkes today. She got earrings and I got the most fantastically funny handbag. She always gets me the coolest things. This one comes from David and Goliath Tees, and while it does not look like this or this, you get the general idea. [In case you are male or just Gen X - at least, I think I'm Gen-X-, it is a play on the Hello Kitty crazily happy Japanese merchandise. I prefer the crazy to the happy, which might go a long way towards explaining why I'm still single.]

And now, for something completely different... (and thanks to the Fox's blogger-friend, Red)

now, where was I?

Oh yes. You can never have too many pairs of black pants, so I bought two pairs last night. However, you can have too many black sweaters. No, wait. That can't be right. Maybe you can have too many pairs of black underwear? I know that rule does not apply to shoes. Which is good since I have a gazillion pairs of black shoes.

Tonight, however, was all about the toys. I finally replaced my iPod Mini that was stolen back in early December - but I upgraded to the 20 gb version (many thanks to parents of whiskypants for the generous BestBuy Christmas giftcard that enabled this purchase). It is quietly charging and I am perusing the HP site for an interesting protective and printable cover. I'm vacillating between World Music 1 and World Music 4... If anyone knows of other downloadable tattoos, please advise.

I missed MoL's birthday celebration this weekend due to some sinus hell. Sorry 'bout that, MoL. I have a gift card with your name on it! I've had a sinus headache since Thursday night, and while the headache part has alleviated a bit, it is causing a muscle tension/pain in my shoulder. Oh, to have a free masseur at my disposal.

Oh, and the newscaster just informed me that weight loss in the elderly is a sign of dementia. There's gotta be a joke here about my hating to diet.

new years post-mortem

Finally, one of my favorite bloggers has posted about the The Bunny's party-to-end-all-parties.

For some reason, Le Fox did not get the opportunity to meet Yet To Be Named that night. This is a shame, as I feel he really would have appreciated her subtle and sharp wit. I don't think he got to meet Wee Lass either, but her celebratory style is more stealthy. He mentions meeting the vivacious TMS and sexy-as-hell TAS... Also, he calls me lovely and charming which makes me feel that he saw right into my soul.

[Hey - no vomiting at this blog. We're strictly a tongue-in-cheek operation here. Sometimes we're a tongue-in-other-places operation, but you already knew that.]

Also, one of Bunny's pals has posted some photos, which I will be sharing behind the scenes...

This weekend we've got MoL's birthday and some hardcore 80's britpop dancing at The Black Cat. Who's coming to watch TMS do the mollyringwald?

super special horoscope

Gotta love the dirty-minded degenerates over at Nerve. I wonder if they're hiring...

Libra (Sept. 22-Oct. 22) With Venus in your third house as the year begins, you're going to be one social and sexual butterfly in the coming months. If you're attached, remember: just because you have a lover doesn't mean they have to be at your side whenever you leave the house. Singles will also have a busy schedule, one that involves fornicating with as many people as possible. This will last until late February, when Chiron, the wounded healer, moves into Aquarius and your solar fifth house of romance. You'll meet someone who, at least temporarily, sets your soul on fire. Just tread carefully — we're pretty sure their last relationship ended worse than yours. In October, Jupiter moves into Scorpio and your solar second house, meaning your wallet's going to be a little thinner than usual for the holidays. When deciding which bedmate is a keeper this year, you may want to think about whether they have expensive taste.

you gotta know when to fold 'em

...I'm at the upstairs bar at The Bunny's New Years Eve festivities, and I'm on my second glass of water. I pause at the bar to ponder my alcoholic beverage possibilities. Will, the bartender and upstairs apartment occupant, eyes me warily (yet kindly) and asks me what I'm thinking. I reply, "well, I'm not sure - perhaps some wine..." and he says, "have another glass of water and then I'll let you have a glass of wine."

Fortunately, I'm a complacent drunk and agreed readily with Will's good sense. Like Kenny says, ya gotta "know when to walk away, and know when to run." I blushed and stepped away gingerly.

The wisdom of the water concept became crystal clear as I looked over on the couch to see one of the DC delegation in liplock with a nice young man who was about 22 or 23. I'm not saying who it was, but said member was very unwell the next morning. The Alabama Slama also found a hot little 23 year old to snog - I'm totally taking credit for pushing these two together too. (Sorry, TAS, but this is absolutely true.)

The really funny thing about the snoggery was that I had to remind both delegation members what their 23 year olds names were. Me to TAS: "So, did you and _____ kiss?" TAS to me: "Oh, was that his name? Yes." Me to the unwell delegation member: "Did ____ know about ___ (her very understanding about NYE bf)?" UDM to me: "His name was ____?"

Good times.

Yes, each member of our delegation thoroughly enjoyed themselves. The Bunny's to-do was attended by some very funny and well-grounded sorts, and our lodging was delightful.